It Is Better To Let Go Off Someone Rather Than Seeing Them Miserable

And He Lived Happily Ever After #RIP

As you guys know My Nanu was Diagnosed with liver cancer & on Friday 22 Oct he…I don’t want to say he left us because I know he didn’t

I know wherever he is, he will always be looking over us, I always believed my Dadi is my guiding angel, watching over my family & now I believe my Nanu joined her

He was the eldest of our family, over foundation, not having him with us now feels like we lost our shelter, our shield & the pain is unbearable but yet…sometimes I feel it is better this way

Seeing him on that hospital bed, miserable, bedridden, food to be fed through the pipe, It was heartbreaking to see him like that

He was never ever dependent on anyone, even when he was in his 70’s he used to go alone to markets, hospitals used to travel, go to NGOs to serve, everything on his own

seeing that man in the hospital, in pain dependent on others was horrifying, maybe now he is in a better place…happy, content

I miss him like hell,

Growing up I was super close to him, he is a big follower of Puttaparthi Sai Baba

He used to tell me stories about them we used to have long debates on their miracles

He used to serve in NGO’s used to meet different people, & he used to always share those stories with me

Nanu has always respected every soul, whether he is a VIP or a Beggar my Nanu used to treat everyone with respect

The innocence he had, the humbleness.can’t believe I won’t be able to see him, hug him again

I feel guilty as it was one of his biggest dreams was to see me as a bride, but I was so focused on my career.just kept denying

I just thought I had all the time in the world & when I feel ready maybe I could take the next step

But now. just the thought that he won’t be there physically, that his biggest wish was left unfulfilled all thanks to me makes me break inside

The amount of guilt I feel, the pain is unbearable

TBH I know nothing of this concerns or interest you but I need to let it out…or else…I might go crazy

I wanna apologize to him because of me he left us with his wish unfilled

If I had any idea, even a bit I would have done anything

Today I’m ready to give up anything to get him back…but

I just want you to know that there is no guarantee for tomorrow I was so sure that I had time but now

I just don’t know what else to say

Just have a hope that wherever he is, he is happy, My dad was with him when he took his last breathe & he tells me that it was a peaceful one…so that is the one thing that is soothing me

I’m also glad it didn’t happen on Saturday because my Nanu had this strong belief that you shouldn’t travel on Saturday (I know…it is superstition but it was his belief) he used to never go anywhere on Saturday

Even when first his platelets count was low & doctor advised us to move to the hospital soon. He just said I’m completely fine…I’m not going anywhere on Saturday let’s go on Monday

I’m happy that even when he traveled to heaven, he left on Friday!

I feel so helpless, the rage, anger, pain everything is too much

I just feel….broken

This also makes me realize that it is important to love & hold on to your family because, in the end, nothing matters

All this money, luxury means nothing

My Nanu had everything, we were ready to spend as much as needed to make him healthy but we couldn’t

No amount of money can add just one more second to his life.

He died on Oct 22 Friday morning at 1:21, his health started getting worst at 11. Doctors were called they tried nebulization, provided oxygen nothing worked

At last, the doctor told my dad this is it, nothing can be done, just wait for it

My dad just sat next to help, held his hand & kept caressing his head & when it did happen. he just kissed his forehead

There was nothing else that could be done, my dad even though he was a SIL he treated my Nanu not less than a dad

The loss is unbearable, I feel …Daily we are doing different rituals but just the thought of it being a final goodbye is…

Just yesterday we collected ashes & offered the last meal…where a crow needs to touch the food signifies that he got moksha (he is resting in peace)

when I saw that pot containing my Nanu’s ash, I just collapsed, broke down like hell

He was a lean, tall man of 6.2 height when I saw all of him that is remaining is in a small pot

It just…breaks you know

People come & say that he was old, with disease so it ok, hold ourself together…which is true at some extent, it is logical, practical but…………………

I miss you Nanu, I love you like hell…I have so much to say but I can’t find words…I’m crying like hell writing this now

RIP Nanu…You were the best Nanu in the world & an amazing human being

Maybe god was feeling lonely, he needed a friend, so he called you to him but I know you are & will always be with us…No matter what

Rest In Peace Nanu…I Love you like hell

Dedication

I dedicated Janne Woh kaunse desh Jaha tum chale to Irrfan khan, never in my worst nightmare I thought, I will be dedicating it to someone from my family

Each & every lyric is perfect to explain what I’m feeling right now

I dedicate Chithi Na Koi Sandesh Jaane Woh Kaunse Desh Jaha Tum Chale Gaye To My Nanu..be happy…Sai Ram!

Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh Jahan Tum Chale Gaye Lyrics

Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Hoo, Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye
Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Is Dil Pe Lagaa Ke Thes
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye…

Ek Aah Bharee Hogi
Humne Na Sunee Hogi
Jaate Jaate Tumne
Aawaz To Di Hogi
Har Waqt Yehi Hai Gham
Us Waqt Kahan The Hum

Kahan Tum Chale Gaye
Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Is Dil Pe Lagaa Ke Thes
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye…

Har Cheez Pe Ashkoon Se
Likha Hai Tumhara Naam
Ye Raste Ghar Galiyaan
Tumhe Kar Na Sakee Salaam

Hai Dil Mein Reh Gayee Baat
Jaldi Se Chuda Kar Haath
Kahan Tum Chale Gaye
Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Is Dil Pe Lagaa Ke Thes
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye…

Abh Yaadon Ke Kaante
Is Dil Mein Chubhte Hain
Na Dard Thaherta Hai
Na Aansoon Rukte Hain

Tumhe Dhoondh Raha Hai Pyaar
Hum Kaise Karein Iqraar
Ke Haan Tum Chale Gaye
Chithi Na Koi Sandesh
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye

Is Dil Pe Lagaa Ke Thes
Jaane Woh Kaun Sa Desh
Jahan Tum Chale Gaye…
O Kahan Tum Chale Gaye
Oh Kahan Tum Chale Gaye
O Kahan Tum Chale Gaye…

Important Announcement

As you can see I’m not in the state of mind to carry to start working on this blog, but I also know it is not fair to live you guys hanging

That is why for time being one of my friends will be taking over this blog, the content will be approved by me but it will be edited, structured by her

I will be dropping by in between & will try to be back asap

Love you guys take care & stay safe

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